One of the things that discourage guys from working on becoming more confident with women is setting their bar too high and often unrealistically high. They believe that the truly confident guys are confident with women all the time, in every situation, no matter what happens. It is unrealistic, however, to expect this. And, whoever tells you that they are always supremely confident with women, no matter how they feel that day and what mood they are in, is probably lying to himself, to you, or both.
Practically everything in our behavior and mindset changes and fluctuates every day and even throughout the day. Our moods, physical condition, self-esteem and other behavioral factors depend on so many variables – from our situation at work and school, to our health condition, sleep, family relationships, and many other factors some of each are impossible to even explain. All of us have better days and worse days for a reason or no reason whatsoever. You find yourself to be more outgoing and motivated to talk to and meet new people on some days, and completely discouraged on others.
As you learn more about how to be more confident with women and you actually become confident, you will still notice that there will be days or weeks when you are just not “feeling it.” You will not feel like approaching to girls and talking to them. You will either not be interested or you will not feel ready to interact with strangers. This is perfectly natural, even for the guy who is very confident with women.
After having a great time meeting and talking to women, you will necessarily have times where you do not feel comfortable talking to women, and you don’t feel like you are in your plate in typical social situations. You should not blame yourself for these ups and downs and you should not assume that just because you have bad days, all your work on building confidence was for nothing. It wasn’t! Just think about competitive sports – champions in all kinds of sports, who devote their life to becoming superior in one area, routinely lose to lower ranked athletes. This is because by nature – any skill, especially a highly evolved skills is dynamic and is constantly evolving from peak to its bottom throughout the day, week, month, or even years.
Confidence is not an exception to the above rule. The key is accepting these fluctuations as natural part of your behavior and not assuming that just because you are not confident with women all the time and that you don’t take advantage of every single situation to approach and meet girls, you are not confident at all, as this is simply not true. The key is knowing how to handle the “downs” and how to make the most out of the “ups” in your confidence. Champions know how to lose with grace, and so should you learn how to accept the time when you are not confident with similar grace without making a big deal out of it.
