Most people’s online conversation on Bumble, Tinder and other dating apps actually die after sending and receiving just one message for one simple reason: they do nothing to keep the conversation going, i.e. they don’t ask the other person any questions to develop a minimally interesting conversation. Both sides are guilty of it – the person who sends that initial message, and the person who responds.
Consider the person who tries to initiate a conversation. Most first messages don’t say much more than “hey” or “how is your day going”. Ironically, the more effort the person to whom they write puts into their profile, writing something interesting and posting pictures that should arouse some curiosity, the more disappointed they will be in receiving this type of message, which basically says: “I didn’t bother to look at what you wrote in your profile. I didn’t even bother to look at all of your pictures. I am just sending the most generic, the laziest message possible that I send to everyone else, regardless of what their profile says.”
Now, consider the person who receives a thoughtful message but kills the conversation with their response by answering the questions he or she was asked without asking any question in return. For instance, imagine a common scenario where a guys reads a woman’s profile who says that she recently moved to the area from city x, she works as an engineer, and she likes painting. The guy’s first message to her including, among other things: “So, why did you move to the area? And what inspires your painting work? She answers these questions briefly and doesn’t ask him anything about himself. What is that guy to assume except for that she is really not interested in getting to know him?
If you write to someone online or respond to someone’s message, help develop that conversation by asking questions that would develop a decent conversation between the two of you, or… don’t bother writing at all.
